


The missing part of me

by Ayakox



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/M, Inner Struggle, Introspection, M/M, alternative universe, college students
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayakox/pseuds/Ayakox
Summary: Alec Lightwood is an introvert college student struggling with his sentimental life. His sister Isabelle and his best friend Jace are trying to help him out but unsuccessfully. Everything change, tho, when Alec meet a new transferred student named Magnus Bane...





	The missing part of me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In the eye of the lens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12342321) by [AnjaWritingsx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnjaWritingsx/pseuds/AnjaWritingsx). 



> Hi there! ♥  
> Here I am with a new fan fiction!   
> This is the first time, for me, writing an AU fic so this is a pretty new experience I wanted to try. I've read a wonderful fan fiction some days ago which inspired me to write an almost total different fic, much longer, much slower. 
> 
> I really hope you will enjoy it because I'm very excited about this plot and I can't wait to write all the ideas come in my mind! ♥

 

 

 

Fall was his favorite season; Alec had always loved the smell of the wet dirt after the rain, the colors of the leaves that covered a spectacular spectrum of shades from fire red to dark brown. At some point of the day, in some places, you could stare at the city and see an odd sort of golden reflection all over its outlines: the sunlight's rays hit the poor trees' crowns and the leaves on the ground making them sparkle like little flames. At sunset, for a few seconds, horizon was a thin line of fire and gold and he would have stared at that wonderful view forever.

There was not a day, during the Fall, that he didn't bring his camera with him. Alec had always loved to take pictures of beautiful landscapes or little istants of his ordinary life, as if he wanted to capture memories on paper to not forget, in the future, any of those tiny little moments. More than anything he loved to take pictures of Isabelle: she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen and his camera was full of pictures of her. For her part, she loved to be photographed by him.

They were walking at the park, slowly, inhaling the cool air of the evening. Sun was about to set and a soft breeze blew making leaves swirl around them. Alec had his hands in his jacket's pockets, his camera was hunging around his neck while Isabelle was right next to him, trying to brush her hair with her long fingers, a red warm scarf around her throat.

-So- she said turning her head toward Alec. -How's your college student's life going?-

Alec shrugged. -Fine, I guess. Not very different from high school to be honest-

-Really?- the girl asked, skeptical, stopping in the middle of the park, her hands on her hips as Alec stopped in turn to look at her, sighing.

-Yeah, I mean. There are classes, students, professors, tests. That's not so different-

Isabelle was astonished. -You're incredible. You could say that a ship and a boat are not that different just because they both go on water!- she friendly scoffed at that shaking her head. -Seriously, Alec, now I understand why your sentimental life doesn't even exist: we have to be all the same at your eyes- she laughed, kindly, looking at him with that warm gaze of hers.

-Hey, that's not true- he flushed in embarassment, a bit resentful. -You're making way too much out of this, okay?-

The girl sighed, her shoulders lowering a bit as she just gave in that conversation. -Fine, fine- said Isabelle waving one hand. -But at least tell me if you've already found some friends. Mom and dad are asking me everyday and I don't know what to tell them. It's annoying: why can't they just ask you?-

Alec scoffed, silently, looking at her with a kind gaze. -Because they know that you like to talk much more than anyone of us-

-Hey! What would you want to say with th—.. -

Her voice trailed off as a gust of wind messed her hair up. Dark thin strands of hair began to wave all over her face, her black curls blowing around her head. Her hands rose trying to move some strands behind her ears as some leaves slid on her hair, carried by the breeze.

Alec didn't waste one second and his hands already were on his camera, leaned against his face to capture that beautiful moment. Isabelle was the perfect model. She was beautiful and elegant and his camera seemed to love her. Every photo of her was just perfect and Alec thought, more than once, that she could have perfectly been a professional model.

He took a couple of pictures of Isabelle, her head bent down, her hair blown from the wind, some leaves swirling around her because of the breeze. Her slender, white fingers were drown in the black sea of her hair and her eyes were shut, her eyelashes drawing thin shadows on her cheeks. The predominant color in the pictures was orange: sun was setting and golden beams of light were covering everything in a wonderful fiery shade.

Alec stared at the pictures as his sister managed to fix her hair behind her shoulders, her ears, her face free from those black messy strands. She approached her brother wrapping his arm with hers, looking at the screen of his camera.

-Oh. That's a really nice one, big brother. I could post it on instagram. And facebook. Totally facebook, it will definetly be my next header image-

Alec smiled, turning off his camera, letting it hung down on his chest, his hands back in his pockets. -I'll mail it to you tonight.-

-You're always the best!- Isabelle cooed hugging tighter Alec's arm, rising on her tiptoes to leave a kiss on his cheek.

–Yeah, yeah.- he smiled shaking his head, softly. -Let's go home-

 

***

 

As soon as they crossed the threshold they heard a loud chatter from the living room. Unusual, they thought, since they parents didn't talk that much and their little brother, Max, spent most of his time in his room reading mangas or playing videogames.

Entering the room they saw Max sat on the floor talking to a really interested blonde guy sprawled on the couch, arms crossed behind his head and legs stretched out on the armrest of the sofa.

-Jace! You're here!- Isabelle exclaimed, her big black eyes shining in amusement as she saw the blond guy in her living room. She tossed her scarf on a near armchair and reached her friend to wrap her arms around him. Jace got up to let her embrace him and return that hug; she held him tight with a huge smile on her face.

-Hello sunshine- he said, relaxed, holding her in his arms. -How can you be hotter and hotter everytime I see you, uh?-

Isabelle smiled breaking their hug. -What can I say? I have a gift- she shrugged, waving one hand. -But you? What brings you here?- she asked taking off her jacket, a black cascade of hair slipping on her back and her shoulders. -And don't tell me you founded a manga's club with Max because I could not stand that-

Jace smiled shaking his head. -No. Max was just keep me company. Even though, actually, a manga's club wouldn't be a bad idea, right Max?- he asked winking at the kid sat on the floor.

-Cool!- he exclaimed, excited.

-No, I came to see your brother who, by the way, is avoiding me for days now because he already knows what I want to talk about- Jace said approaching his friend, a dangerous grin on his lips.

Alec suddenly looked uneasy as the blond guy reached him, leaning his arm around his shoulders, friendly.

-I wasn't...uh... avoiding you- he stuttered trying to not look at him.

-No? How would you call it, then, when someone doesn't reply at your messages or your calls?-

-...Busy?-

-Liar!- Jace laughed messing with his friend's hair.

Alec laughed in turn, slipping away from Jace's hands. -Ok, fine. I was avoiding you, happy?- he admitted, sighing, rising one hand behind his head. -I don't want to go to that stupid party. You know I don't like-- -

-A party?!- Isabelle exclaimed, all of a sudden, wide-eyed. - _Alexander Lightwood_! You can not miss your first college party! I would kill to be there!- and her expression, in that moment, expressed how truly convinced she was of her own words.

Alec rolled up his eyes, sighing. -I don't like parties, you know that-

-No, Alec. You don't like having fun. You're eighteen outside but inside your soul I'm sure you're at least eighty- Isabelle said, sitting on the couch where Jace was sprowled shorty earlier, elbows on her knees and hands holding up her head. -You will like it! There is music and drinks and Jace!-

His brother scoffed barely holding a laugh. -Sure. Because you really think that Jace at a party will stay with me, right?-

-Well... not all the time but...-

-Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather stay here-

-Well, that's a pity. Because I've already told your parents-

Alec widened his eyes at their widest. -You _what_?!-

Isabelle's eyes shone amused as Jace shrugged before to cross his arms on his chest. -I had to. You didn't want to listen to me-

And that was it. Alec knew, in that exact moment, that his freedom for that night was over. Checkmate.

_Fuck_.

His parents have always been concerned about him. He was very different from Isabelle who was, for her part, a normal girl of her age. She had planty of friends and she loved normal things as going out, shopping, cinema, dates... Alec, instead, was basically the opposite. His only friends were his siblings and Jace who, for some reason, enjoyed his gloomy company. He never went on a date and he never showed interest in social activities. On the contrary he seemed to like loneliness and the silent calm of his own room. He didn't want to tell his parents about the party because he knew they would have done everything in their power to let him go: they thought ne needed a little fun in his life, to meet people, to enjoy his youth while still he had the time.

Maryse and Robert Lightwood entered the room in that moment. Maryse was beautiful as Isabelle was; they were very alike with the same long dark hair and that firm and determined gaze in their eyes. Smart people would have never tried to fool them. Robert was shorter than his wife, almost bold, with a tired expression in his eyes. The two of them fought often and often lately and everytime they did Alec and Isabelle went to Max to distract him from those fights. That night, though, they looked to be pretty calm, probably because Jace was in their home. They knew him for a long time now and they loved him as a fourth son.

-Oh, Alec, you're back. Ready for the party?- Maryse asked smiling at him, one hand on her son's bicep.

Alec smiled at her, bitterly, nodding. -Uh, y-yeah-- - he began to say with no enthusiasm in his voice, looking at her.

-Absolutely not!- Isabelle exclaimed standing up, her hands on her hips. -You're going to a party and you're not going _like that_.- she said pointing at Alec's figure wavying one hand.

Another difference between the two of them was Alec's absolute lack of esthetic taste. His closet was full of old discolored t-shirts, hoodies and large sweaters plus a couple of suits to wear for occasional events as weddings or birthdays. The only fancy shirts he had were Isabelle's gifts and they were basically still new.

Maryse smiled, her lips curled up pointing out the shape of her cheekbones. -Well. Then we leave you to your... preparation- she said looking at her son. –Have fun tonight, uh?-

In another circumstances she would have said something like “don't be late” or “be careful” as she usually did when Isabelle went out to go to parties with her friends, but now she was talking to Alec and she already knew that it was needless to say.

-Yes mom- he nodded, slowly, smiling at her.

Everytime his parents showed that sort of concern he felt guilty.

He was perfectly aware to be different, to be weird compared to other guys of his same age and he's always felt out of place, _wrong_. He didn't like sports or cars and he wasn't interested in dates or girls. He've never felt the urge to find a girlfriend, moreover, he never felt anything looking at girls. Never felt that weird feeling at his stomach, those butterflies everyone felt at least once in their life. None girl ever made his heart race in his chest except for Isabelle, occasionally, in some of their really close siblings-moments and... Jace. Thinking of him made him feel his blood rushing in his veins and his heart hammering wildly against his rib cage. He never wanted to deepen that matter, understand why his body sometimes reacted like that, _why_ it reacted like that, deeply and truly frightened by the possible answer.

His parents left the room followed, shortly after, by an annoyed Max; Isabelle, for her part, got up from the couch and puffed out her chest, moving forward to reach Alec's side, her arm slipping under his brother's. -Let's go big brother. You really need my advices to go to that party-

-Then I'll come back to the campus to get changed- Jace said, hands on his jeans' pockets.

-No way Jace. You're going upstairs with us- she said, uncompromising.

-Why?-

-I need you to hold him down as I choose his clothes-

Alec looked at her with an annoyed gaze. -Ah-ah. Very funny, Iz-

The three of them went upstairs: that night there was no way, for Alec, to win his battles.

 

***

In the end Isabelle made him wear a tight black shirt and a pair of black jeans. The cool night breeze blew on his bare forearms since he had rolled-up his sleeves and unbottoned a couple of bottons below his throat. His sister had been peremptory and he simply gave up to her fashion advices.

Jace wore a simple black t-shirt and a leather jacket, his blonde hair perfectly combed and a pleased grin on lips. That was the kind of night he liked, something Alec could not understand; all that chaos was overwhelming in his opinion. Everything was just too messy and noisy and annoying. People screaming, too loud music and a disturbing smell of alchool filling up the entire hall.

As soon as they arrived Alec felt the urge to run away and go home. Groups of people were jumping around pretending to dance a music he totally disliked: no words, no instruments, just an electronic rythm hammering in his chest, in his veins. He could feel his blood rush into his ears, a really unpleasant sensation he'd preferred not to feel. He immediatly felt out of place there, uneasy, his hands in his jeans' pockets and a careful gaze in his eyes. Jace elbowed him winking in that relaxed way Alec had always envied.

-Not that bad, uh?- he screamed in his direction, nodding to point the room ahed.

Alec frowned looking down at his friend. -Actually... no. It is _that_ bad-

-What??- Jace asked, shouting over the music. -I can't hear you!-

Alec rolled up his eyes. Even talking was out of question there. -Nevermind- he said sighing.

Jace frowned. -What?- he asked, again, narrowing his eyes. -Listen, buddy. Try to enjoy it! Take it easy, dance a bit, drink a beer, chat- he began to say, shouting, pointing with his fingers the dancefloor, the table full of glasses and bottles and then the crowd all around. -It will be fun!- he said, similing, patting on his back a couple of time before to join the real party.

Alec had no intention at all to dance or chat but, maybe, a beer wouldn't be a bad idea. Sighing he wove his way to the wet bar going through the crowd, careful to not bump into any of them. Several girls noticed him and some of them followed his movements with their gazes, smiling at him when he rose his look on them. He immediatly felt uneasy: he had no idea how to behave with girls, especially with girls who were looking at him as he was a some sort of dessert.

He approached a barrels of beer wondering where the hell students did take it from and took a plastic cup from the table. He filled the cup and then he turned to look at the people dancing around him. The hall was pretty dark and colored lights were swirling around as they were in a disco pub. Red, blue, green, yellow, messy shades of color mixing up and fastly blinking all over the place in a kaleidoscopic whirl of lights and shadows.

Alec didn't really like that kind of things but he had to admit that the view was spectacular in a certain way. He almost regretted not having brought his camera to capture some pictures of that moment. Almost; he wouldn't have ever brought his precious camera in that chaos of drunk people, where no one had care of where they were going or who they were bumping into.

A low buzz distracted him from his thoughts; his pocket was vibrating. Well, not his pocket, the phone in it. He moved away the cup from his lips and took the phone with the other hand; Isabelle texted him on whatsapp.

_Are you already there? How is it going?_

Alec scoffed, slowly shaking his head.

-How do you want is it going?- he murmured pressing with his thumb the camera button on his phone. He took a couple of pictures to show his sister where he was. First of all he tried to photograph the dance floor: it was really dark so the picture showed a really black image with a great magenta flash of light right in front of him, spreading a purple halo on the crowd. Their heads and their arms were black shadows against the light's rays and some phosphorescent bracelet was shining here and there in the picture, among the black.

Then he photographed the wet bar capturing the colored glow on the plastic cups and the bottles. Even though he was using one hand to take those pictures and he was using his phone's camera -which he hated since he was used to the higher resolution of his professional camera- the pictures still were pretty awesome to watch. He rose his gaze sending the photos to his sister when he catched a glimpse of a well-known blonde guy. Jace was obviously flirting with a small, thin, ginger-head girl. She was very short and her eyes were big and probably blue or green. She didn't seem to enjoy Jace's presence but, Alec was sure, he was really enjoying hers instead. Alec knew Jace for a very long time and he knew how his friend was when he was into someone.

His throat tightened and a dull pain screamed in his chest. He felt his heart skip a beat or two and then began to race wildly against his rib cage. He looked away, trying not to think about how the night would have ended for his friend and that little stupid girl he was talking to.

Why the hell was he there? Why did he accepted to go to that stupid party? To watch his friend hook up some girl he didn't even know? To watch other people having fun, dance and laugh as he was stood still, right there, like a stupid? Alec swallowed, uneasy, biting his lower lip. He wanted to go home but he just arrived and he knew his parents would have worried if he would came back so soon. He was kinda stuck there and he felt lost and angry and tired all of a sudden, all together. A really violent and unpleasant sensorial mix spreading out within his entire body. He felt filled up with rage and sadness and uneasiness.

Unwillingly he tigthened the grip on his phone, drinking all the beer left in his cup. The only good think he could think of about that party was that he could drink as much as he wanted. Not that he had ever drank a lot, he had never been drunk before, but in that moment it didn't seem a bad idea.

So he refilled his cup and ignored Isabelle's texts on whatsapp to open his camera app and take some more pictures of the party. He began to stare at the hall through the camera's eye where everything seemed to be somehow better. He captured the dancing bodies under the stroboscopic lights trying to ignore the noise all around and the looks he felt on him. He photographed and he drank. He drank and he photographed.

It was then that it happened.

Alec moved his phone to look through its eye at the hall around when he suddenly saw him. He was sitting on a couch, beautiful as a greek God, his legs stretched out, his arms openly sprawled on the sofa's backrest, behind two girls' shoulders. He was smiling looking at one of them and his earring was sparkling, hit by a ray of light.

Alec had no idea of who he was but the only thing he knew was that he was beautiful; his hair stood up in spikes and his skin seemed to be pretty tanned for what he could see under those glowing lights. He wore a lot of necklaces around his neck, hunging along his almost bare chest. The burgundy shirt he was wearing was almost totally unbuttoned and everyone could see the strip of bare skin from his throat to his stomach where the shirt was closed by a couple of buttons. The dark suit jacket he had over the shirt was tight enough to point out the shape of his arms. He had wonderfully defined biceps and a really lean body even though, Alec was sure, under that shirt there had to be trained muscles judging by the shape of his arms.

More than his body, though, it was his face to catch Alec's attentions; he had asian features and a very elegant jaw. His lips weren't too thin and his cheekbones were high and prominent. His eyes were a mistery: it was too dark and he was too far to see how they were. He was almost sure, though, that that guy was wearing make-up. When the lights hit his figure he could see colored shadows around his eyes' shape and glitters twinkle all over his face. He was like out of a novel, a some sort of dark prince surrounded by adoring girls, shadows and glowing purple lights: Alec coudn't help but take some pictures of him.

Maybe it was because of the alcohol in his system, maybe he was just trying to do something able to make him feel less uncomfortable in an unpleasant situation like that, but whatever the truth was he just indulged his instincts.

It took some seconds to realize what he was doing. Taking several pictures of a complete stranger in front of everyone there. Not that anyone was paying attention to him in that moment, they were at a party after all, but still it wasn't something he would have ever done in ordinary circumstances.

Alec suddenly felt upset, flushing in embarassment as he realized what he'd done; he dropped his empty cup and went outside for some fresh air. His face was red and hot and his heart was hammering in his chest. What the hell was that?

He took his phone and stared at the pictures in it. There were four pictures of that guy, lights and shadows playing on his outlines, hitting his necklaces, his earring, the rings at his fingers. It was a sort of _chiaroscuro:_ everything in him seemed to be a conflict among darkness and light. Somehow, slowly, Alec felt calmer. Staring at those pictures made him feel better, relaxed, trying to follow the features of that guy with his own eyes, trying to capture new details, new parts of him. He had a wonderful smile. Calm, kind, composed. Just looking at him Alec felt as he could trust him even though he didn't even know his name. There was a wild elegance in him able to poke Alec's deepest interest.

_What is his name?_

He thought absent-minded before to turn off his phone and hide those guilty pictures inside his jeans' pocket. He shook his head inhaling deeply the night breeze, trying to clear up his mind. _Maybe drink all those beers was not a good idea after all_ Alec thought swallowing. He felt pretty confused and stunned and definetly he didn't want to be there a minute longer. Jace was lost, probably still behind that ginger-head girl, more than an hour passed and all he got was a drunk and a light headache. So, in the end, Alec's hand went through his messed up hair as the guy took his way home. He would have walked slowly taking the long way around, to lose some other time before to come back, thinking of that night and all those weird, confused thoughts and feelings inside his head.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it!  
> I know this first chapter is pretty long but I thought there was no point in make it shorter when nothing happened in the first half of the chapter. 
> 
> If you've read all the chapter: thanks!  
> I hope you liked it ^_^
> 
> As always kudos, comments and opinions are always welcome! Let me know what you think about it and see you soon with a new chapter ♥


End file.
